you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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