normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
