I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
