I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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