in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
