Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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