nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
