So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
