If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
