My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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