I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
