coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
