this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
