Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
