I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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