Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize