Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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