32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
