got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
