At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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