He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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