If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
