And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
