somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
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Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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