So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
