i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
