i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
