Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
