I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
