oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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