Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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