I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
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This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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