I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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