Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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