What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
