i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
