My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
