I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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