Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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