u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
