i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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