I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
