he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize