So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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