How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
