Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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