why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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