He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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