You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
