It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
