yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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