The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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