Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
