No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
being pregnant is like rehab
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
