Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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