Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
