no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
