My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
