I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The air taste purple.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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