i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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