I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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