I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize