To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
