I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
