I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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