So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
