There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
