so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
